I am a sucker for romance. No one enjoys a love story, no matter how silly it may be, more than I do. Everything I’ve ever read or seen has taught me to believe in love’s existence, and that eventually, we’re all meant to find it. Every time an Ana was united with her Christian, or a June meets her Roy, or a Rahul/Raj met his Simran/Pooja/Anjali, I fell in love with the idea of love. And God forbid if I happen to watch a Romeo and Juliet or Qayamat se Qayamat tak where there is no happy endings, I cried for days.
For me love is for those who have the audacity go through the grind of romance, fun, passion, craziness, boldness, pain, happiness and sometimes stupidity all at the same time. And I believed that being loved like that was my birth right, and the universe owed someone like that to me. I guess this is what made it so difficult for me to find love in this universe. And being a logical person on top to that, ruined it further. I know I sound a bit confusing, but I figured out that I am someone who swings between two worlds. An imaginative world and a totally logical world. This logical way of thinking should have set it during my growing up days when I realized that, that kid of guys don’t exist in real world.
So of course I researched and here’s what I found. Love is any micro moment in which we share a positive emotion with another person — mother, sister, soul mate or stranger. It’s marked by a bio behavioral synchrony that unfolds across two bodies and brains at once. You’re not only sharing a feeling but also body movement, like nonverbal behaviors, and there’s a mirroring of biochemistry and neurofirings. There’s a mirroring in what you can see and also what is unseen but can be detected with different scientific measures.
But also, people can’t experience these micro moments unless they feel safe. Loneliness and depression and anxiety are enough to make people feel unsafe when they interact with other people. One can make another feel safe by planning fun things that allow you to experience these micro moments, which serve as booster shots. You do actually need to be proactive about creating opportunities to share positive emotion. And believe me this works.
Now this made so much sense to me as much as the movies and the books did too.
This led to me thinking what if some of us weren’t meant to find love outside of our own selves? What if life didn’t throw a hero our way? Is it possible to be a heroine without a hero anywhere in sight? Like no knight in shining armor!
The version of love will then be one that revolves around mutual respect, understanding and compatibility in contrary to kind of head-over-heels, passionate, inconvenient, all-consuming and often devastating love. When you give a relationship so much of yourself and it still isn’t enough, it’s very draining.
I only wish everyone were also prepared for this side of the reality while growing up. That instead of being constantly assured that their knight in shining armor was somewhere on the horizon, they were also been told that it was just as easily possible that he didn’t exist and that they have to do their own rescuing. I am glad I was brought up by those few strong women who told me stories about a girl who doesn’t fall in love, is happy nonetheless, has great sex with a man who she respects and who respects her back, makes babies, goes on exotic vacations, sometimes alone and sometimes with him, and lives happily ever after. And the girl (the heroine) in these stories was always typically charming, hardheaded, determined, and polite. Remembers her manners but will drop them on a dime to teach someone ‘What’s right’. And yes she would always be a dusky girl with beautiful wild eyes and hair and with a killer smile too. This more or less explains where my logical brain comes from.